Dr. DeFoe’s Recipe for Living

Start with one cup of talent, and three cups of gifts,

Blend in a heap of goals, and add a good attitude to this.

Stir in seven tablespoons of dreams, a cup of good habits and a dash of belief,

A few more ingredients and the recipe will be complete.

Add an ounce of purpose, and some resilience too,

Mix in a tablespoon of vision, sauté these ingredients just for a few.

Combine a half-cup of persistence, with a hint of passion sweet,

Together, personal passion, purpose and persistence will make this recipe unique.

Toss in a pinch of gingered hope, some love and a hint of fresh faith,

Pour in two pints of focus and a quart of determination according to taste.

You need to add a pound of courage, a cup of forgiveness, maybe two,

Shake in a gallon of spirit, a bit of soul seasoning ads gusto to this wonderful life stew.

Simmer all of the ingredients and be sure not to boil,

Remember that to achieve anything in this life, there will be some toil.

Anything you mentally conceive, you can most definitely achieve,

Everything first begins as a vision, a quest; a precious dream.

Fill your plate; enjoy this dish, your hearty life stew,

Let it guide, empower and nourish, all that you do.

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Coming To Terms With Mother Love

Silence filled the room as I painfully watched my mother take her final breaths.

During the seventy-four years that my mother lived, she always gave untiringly to me and to others. I feel blessed to have been so fortunate, for my mother was always my greatest supporter, an endless fountain of encouragement. As the reality of my loss enveloped me on that cool January night, it was a Saturday, the 8th, the year 2005 was still brand new. Up until this point, 2005 seem filled with endless possibilities. That may have still been true, but I knew that it would take time for my emotional wounds to heal; meanwhile I knew that I must press on. While I sat there filled with despair listening to my mother gasping for air, I was also humbled by the knowledge that someone had loved me so unconditionally. My mother forever stood firmly beside me as I weathered storms wrought from poor choices, self-discovery and defining life lessons. I am full aware that this is not always the case when it comes to mothers and their children.

While witnessing her spirit leave that hospital room, I pondered the mysteries of mothers and their children. I considered the full implications of this connection. I could not help but wonder if most people fully understand how necessary it is to find peace when it comes to the woman who gave them life. Coming to terms with the mother love in your life is fundamental to ultimately becoming comfortable with yourself, critical to being able to give and receive love. Your own evolution as a person will surely be stunted until you face all aspects of your relationship with your mother. Even in the best relationships some form of turmoil can exist. Failing to address these matters is a mistake. Refusing to do the work necessary to deal with your distress is not a good choice. You cannot thrive carrying this kind of unresolved emotional baggage around. It is difficult for both men and women to focus on their possibilities when he or she feels limited by family circumstances. Unresolved anger and nagging hurt steal dreams and shatter lives. In fact, one can end up virtually immobilized for years if mother dilemmas are not resolved. In fact, your attitude about “mother” influences you one way or another for a lifetime. You see it does not matter whether your mother abandoned or adored you. It does not matter whether she championed your dreams or channeled her own sorrow into your life. It does not really matter if she demonstrated her love daily or only gave you doses of affection when she was able to put her own agony aside. No matter how tumultuous or terrific your relationship with your mother, no matter if you never knew your mother, little does it matter that you somehow always feel that your mother has made no effort to understand who you are. Coming to grips and accepting both the good and bad truths about your relationship with your mother is a key which can unlock your capacity to form healthy relationships throughout your life. Until you are able to realize that even though your mother may have given you her all, or perhaps at the other end of the spectrum, she gives you little or nothing; neither of these realities guarantee or limit who or what you can become. Until you accept that maybe your mother did the best that she could, that she is loving you the best that she can, or that your mother relates to you as she was taught, you will remain caught up in a sea of turmoil that hampers your overall ability to relate and love. Every person’s perception of mother love colors his or her view of the world and self-definition. Depending upon your experiences, you may learn to be caring, giving, compassionate and empathetic; or you may learn bitterness, distrust, helplessness and manipulation. This is why taking the time to learn about your mother’s life is so important. This information will help you to better understand the choices she made, her personality, her ability to communicate and display affection, the number of sacrifices she endured. Bearing all of this in mind, move quickly to resolve anger and unfinished business where your mother is concerned. Heal your emotional wounds, and if necessary, find ways to forgive your mother even if she has not given you the kind of love and support you craved, or if for some reason she has been unable to be a mother to you.

When it comes to your mother, choose to open your heart to the best of your ability. Focus on being thankful for the gift of life that she gave you, even if that is all your mother has ever given to you. If you already have an excellent relationship with your mother, treasure it and let your mother know just how much she means to you. No matter your personal situation, when it comes to your mother, you do not want to have any regrets. Remember, in a split second things can change and you do not want to spend time laboring over “I should have,” when your time and talents need to be focused on your “I wills.” Honor your mother and your life no matter the circumstances. This attitude will bring you a tremendous amount of peace, and an outpouring of blessings will come your way for choosing to focus on the positive instead of dwelling on the negative. Mothers are not always right, but your mother will always be the woman that gave you life. In spite of her imperfections, her absence in your life, her human failings, or her inability to meet your emotional needs, none of those things can keep you from soaring to great heights unless you choose to embrace that attitude as your own. Seek to come to terms with your mother love, because by doing so, you can earnestly become the person that you were destined to be.

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